dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
