wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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