nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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