I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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