actually, I'm a sock model
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
