goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
