i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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