I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
