I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
