She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
