..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
