i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
