Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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