Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
