I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
