every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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