I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I have post one night stand depression
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