I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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