i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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