sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
