I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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