After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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