please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
