you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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