I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
