You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
