feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
