well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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