We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
