The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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