bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
