I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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