don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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