I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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