Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
