dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
