Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
