Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
