dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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