I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
