Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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