I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
