I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
