I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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