Me too!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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