Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
