is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
