Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
