im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
