Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
